2:30AM

oh, just how i wish i have someone right now, to pour out everything that's in me, to literally empty myself from all the bottled up feelings, and the many burdens i carry on my shoulders; and to just share how nothing's been good to me, and how i've been so so so tired lately.

here's to the best mum ever

Hi there again since the last post in MARCH. I really wonder how most people who blog can keep their space updated so regularly, even with their busy lives like school, work, school, work.....and I can be gone for like what, 2 months with no updates?? Hahahah or nahhh, maybe I'm just really lazy. So anyways, here's my 4th post since the time I created this space.

Dedicating it to the greatest, awesomest, bestest mum in the world, if bestest is even a legit word to use. Or maybe I'll just go with the very best of the best mum.

my huge arm totally no chill :-(

✿ Here's to the mum who brought me into this beautiful world.
✿ Here's to the strongest mum.
✿ Here's to the ALL IN ONE mum.

✿ Here's to the mum who would give up her life or rather gave up her life, for my brothers and I.

✿ Here's to the mum who's always there for us.

✿ Here's to the mum who singlehandedly bring 4 difficult children up.

✿ Here's to the mum who taught, and still teaching me how to grow.

✿ Here's to the mum who cooks better than any chefs in this world.

✿ Here's to the mum who gives an assurance I'd always have someone to count on ANY time.
✿ Here's to the mum who brings me for facial/nail pampering and pays for them.
✿ Here's to the mum who wouldn't allow her kids to go to bed with empty stomach.
✿ Here's to the mum who goes out for late night movies and suppers with her kids.
✿ Here's to the mum who would do anything or everything just to protect her children and keep them happy, even if it means to sacrifice her own happiness.

Dearest mummy,

Thank You.

Whether or not are you reading it from here, it doesn't quite matter. Because what's written on the card given to you has got so much more. But I am writing in here as well, just to tell the world too, how great you are. How you spent literally half of your life all on me, the 2 korkor and Tommy (youngest brother). How you've been through so much yet still stay so so strong, just for the sake of the 4 of us. Thank you for all that you've done for us 4 and for always being there for us any time when we needed you to (or not), even when we've failed you so many times. Thank you for being my alarm clock every morning, even when it frustrates you so much trying to wake a bum. Thank you for your so kind and patient love towards me. You're the greatest all-in-one mum and nobody can ever replace the very special place you have in my heart. Thank you for being so understanding, and always there to give good (real) advices. Though at times we may bicker over the stupidest things, sulk and not talk to each other for several days, I know that you're most of the time right; not always but most of the time. :p deep down I know that all your naggings are for my good. I am really so so blessed to have you. I wouldn't be here and who I am today if it weren't for you; your teachings, scoldings, canings at young (lol), groundings and setting of boundaries (as much as I hate all of them so much). I have still so much to learn in life and I'm glad you'd always be here to lead me through this road, with God. I love you very very much mum, and know that I'll always have your back too. Happy Mother's Day!!!

Love, Tanya

a good for nothing

I'm pretty sure everyone had been criticised before at least once in their life by someone, be it parents, siblings, friends, teachers or a superior at work, one way or another. And nobody would ever say it's a good feeling. Nobody. But how does it feel like when it's someone so close and so dear to you, the person whom you thought has always and would always be your "shelter", criticises and hurts you so much with just the words said? I think it's worse than just "not a good feeling". It doesn't even matter if it was all because of that split second of anger that caused those hurtful words to spill out. Words hurt.

“ The whole world can turn their backs against me. And they can criticise and say bad behind my back or even to my face, for all I care. But you must not. For what I care about most, is you. And your opinion of me, your love for me, and I hope that you'd always and never stop believing in me. ”

It really feels nothing at all when any other human beings call me names and try to hurt me so much verbally but when it's from that someone, I feel the pinch in me.... It's like worse than a stab in the heart or a cut, and left there to bleed till dry.

Because you matter. You may think they are just a bunch of stupid meaningless words you use out of anger, but they can play with minds. And it just felt like everyone in the world thinks the same of me and that I am, a good for nothing.